Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was involved in the 2003 championship side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast two weeks after finding out he has the illness.
"There's an element of looking the future in the face and not wanting to really process that at the moment," he said.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's heading. We grasp that. But there is certainly a reluctance to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "at ease" as he focuses on his present wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the condition deteriorates.
"Maybe that's trauma or possibly I deal with matters differently, and once I have the details, it's easier," he added.
Early Indications
Moody learned he had MND after observing some lack of strength in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physical therapy failed to improve the problem, a set of scans indicated nerves in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're appropriately very affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he continued.
"I don't sense ill. I don't feel poorly
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle loss in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I continue to be able to doing whatever I want. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Disease Development
MND can advance quickly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the disease claims a 33% of people within a twelve months and over half within two years of diagnosis, as swallowing and inhalation become harder.
Therapy can only slow decline.
"It's never me that I experience sorrow for," commented an emotional Moody.
"It's the sadness around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the ramifications that has for her."
Household Consequences
Talking from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by feeling when he mentioned informing his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two excellent boys and that was rather devastating," Moody said.
"We sat on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced cleaning the tears off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody said the emphasis was staying in the present.
"There exists no treatment and that is why you have to be very intensely concentrated on just embracing and savoring each moment now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been very fortunate that the primary choice I made when I left playing was to devote as much period with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those periods back."
Athlete Link
Professional sportspeople are excessively affected by MND, with investigations indicating the prevalence of the condition is up to six times higher than in the wider community.
It is believed that by restricting the oxygen available and causing damage to neural pathways, frequent, strenuous training can initiate the condition in those inherently vulnerable.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England selections and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in recognition of his fearless, unwavering style to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a training-ground confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a tackle pad and started engaging in collisions.
After coming on as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the end of the line-out in the decisive phase of play, establishing a platform for playmaker Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop kick.
Support Community
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who skippered England to that title, and a handful of other previous colleagues about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that sort of care and acknowledgment that people are there is the crucial thing," he commented.
"This game is such a excellent community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it ended now, I've valued all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to call your love your profession, it's one of the most significant honors.
"To have done it for so extended a period with the teams that I did it with was a pleasure. And I know they will desire to assist in any way they can and I await having those talks."
